A daughter’s fear...


So, life was good.  I was married to the love of my life, had a good job and we were living in a lovely home where we could entertain and provide for family and friends.  My husband was a real green thumb and incredibly handy and he made our home sing.  The house needed TLC and he gave it just that.  We ended up having the lushest, greenest grass in the neighborhood, he planted flowers and brought a beautiful three-tiered fountain up from Mexico that he placed in the center of our backyard.  We named it Blossom Court.  It was a lovely place to entertain, relax and enjoy.  It wasn't a big house but it was warm and cozy and gave us the opportunity to do God's Will by opening it up to family and friends, and even long-time friends of my husbands parents who came to visit from Florida.  The first night after staying in our guest room we saw the gentleman for breakfast the next morning in the backyard and he exclaimed, "I'm 77 and I'm in heaven!"  We never forgot that.  



My husband was working for his brother still and I had my job.  The company I worked for had downsized slightly and we had moved offices in the same building to a slightly smaller space.  The blessing was, I ended up with my own office and a separate work space for the day to day operations.  I was content with my job and the job itself was comfortable and easy after I learned the system.  My boss was pretty easy going and was a nice guy in general.  The worst part was the commute, as it was a good half hour from our home but I managed.  Things were peaceful and we were content with our life together.  Everything was going as it should and then...


One day while at work, I got a phone call that rocked me to my core.  My mom had just been diagnosed with breast cancer.  She was having a single mastectomy right away.  Everything in my world came to a grinding halt.  I was speechless, I was panicked, I was horrified.  How was this possible?  My mom was the most godly, beautiful, loving, selfless person I knew.  She was always taking care of others, serving others and showed love to everyone that came across her path.  She supported my father, so lovingly, in his ministry and had raised eight kids in total - four whom were her stepchildren.  She had managed to somehow keep our family afloat, even though we grew up poor.  She made something out of nothing…all the time!  We never went hungry, we never went without clothes - if we didn’t have the money for clothes she made them or repurposed them.  She was excellent on the sewing machine.  She took care of everything and everyone, and all with a smile.  How could she have cancer?  It just seemed so wrong.  Cancer had the wrong mother.



I hung up the phone and walked out of my office.  My boss met me at the door.  "Is everything okay" he asked?  "No, I said.  That was my Dad…my Mom has cancer.”  My boss said, “Don’t worry about work - you do whatever you need to do.”  I didn’t know what to do, except I had this compulsion inside to get home to Minnesota as fast as possible.  So that is what I did.  I didn’t tell my parents because I knew they would tell me not to come, but I had to go.  I just couldn’t stay in California when my mom was suffering in Minnesota.  I arranged with my older sister to come home as a surprise for my Mom.  My older sister picked me up at the airport and they wrapped me in a old blanket and tried to make it look like they were carrying in a parcel.  When we got in the house her and her husband said, “We picked up this old blanket along the side of the road and thought you could use it for something.”  My Mom looked so puzzled. What would she want with an old blanket on the side of the road?  Knowing her she was probably thinking what she could make with it or how she could clean it up.  When they unrolled the blanket and I popped out my Mom burst into tears.  I knew instantly I had made the right decision.  When I first saw her I was a little shocked.  She looked worn, fragile and had some tubes coming out of her side and her arm was wrapped in a sling.  I hugged her carefully as she cried.  



We spent time together and I tried to help, even though she still insisted on doing most things on her own.  She was still trying to take care of everyone.  We had lots of tea.  It was sort of a tradition with my mom.  When it was time to relax and catch up…it was time for tea.  We talked a little but I could tell she didn’t want to discuss the “C” word, so I didn’t push it.  I distracted her with news from my life in California.  She just enjoyed being together and visiting.  I did too.  It felt good to be back home….it always did.  I found out she had had a lump in her breast for many years and had tried to treat it with some natural options not knowing what it was. It had gotten worse.  The good news was it didn’t appear to have spread.  She said they “got it all” in surgery and she didn’t need any additional treatment.  This was amazing news and seemed so positive.  I was kind of stunned by it actually.  Most everyone had treatment I thought but I guess she didn’t need it.  I trusted my mom knew what she was doing. Today, so many people know so much more about breast cancer and are so much more aware.  Back then, I hadn’t really heard of it and didn’t know anyone with it, so was pretty naive and took everything my Mom said at face value without question.  


It was a low-key visit overall.  Both my Mom and Dad were not quite themselves, that was obvious.  I wouldn’t realize, till later, what they had just gone through together and the fear they would live with, this disease hanging over their heads.  However, neither of them allowed me to really see their fears and they never talked about them, at least to me.  They put on a strong face and a brave attitude that everything was going to be just fine.  I had no choice but to believe them.  After all, they were my parents.  I believed God would spare them with all the important work they had to do for Him.  They had their ministry, which was everything.  They were touching and affecting peoples lives in such a postive way, every day.  So, of course everything would be okay.  Yes, I told myself, it’s all going to be okay.  I had to believe it…because I couldn’t live with the alternative…a daughter’s worst fear, as she is starting out in life….losing her mother.

♥️LGOF

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