When I married my husband, I was also given a daughter (from a marriage in his youth). She was only nine when we got married. She would come and stay with us in the summer, being she lived in the Midwest. ‘Stepmother’ was not something I ever thought I would be, but when you love someone - it’s a package deal. It was another component of our marriage I was not prepared for…being a stepmother. She had taken a liking to me from the very beginning, which made things easy initially, but that was before we were married. Once I married her father and she spent time in our home, things were a tad different. There was a little more 'spirit of competition’. She was just a little girl and I knew she needed love, so I did my best. I was in no way prepared for the responsibility but I jumped right in and found my way.
My husband wanted me to teach her about God and His Ways, so her and I would do Bible studies together while he was at work and I would try to share with her the things I learned when I was her age, about living for God. Being I was raised a minister’s daughter, I had many examples to reflect on - how I was taught from even a younger age. What God expects of us is so simple really. Matthew 18:3 - Truly I say to you unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of God. We must become like children to even understand it. It’s all about living a life of love and service, for the glory of God. So I tried not to complicate what God makes simple. Matthew 11:30 - My yoke is easy and my burden is light. God wants the same from all of His children - big or small. To honor His Ways and do His Will - living by the example Jesus Christ came to give us. 1 Peter 2:21 - For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps. I thought back on the ways my parents had taught me, and my siblings, and tried to emulate that. We had learned directly from the Bible, by subject. It was the best, and easiest way, to understand what God wants of us. They kept it simple and showed me how to do God’s Will in my every day life. How to apply what I was learning from the Bible, to everything I did, by putting God first. Choosing good over evil. Learning to live a selfless life instead of a selfish life. Putting others first. Phil 2:3-4; Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. My husband wanted so badly to give her a firm foundation, one that he never had when he was young. He knew how much it could benefit her, for her life and her future. Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. It had changed his life so dramatically and literally saved him and we hoped it would do the same for her. It was something positive that I could contribute to this young girl’s life. Something that had shaped and formed me, when I was a young girl and made me who I am today. It had given me everything that made my life rich and meaningful. There is no greater gift. She was too young to realize it at that age, but I hoped one day she would.
Our new home and neighborhood was wonderful for her and she made best friends with a couple of the girls that lived next door and across the street. It was so nice to have a home for her to come and stay, where she could have her own room and plenty of room to play. My husband had always visited her back in the midwest, prior to this, and now she could come and stay, spending time with him where he lived. The time she spent with us was so precious to both of us. It gave him a chance to grow in his relationship with her and gave me a chance to get to know her. It also gave all three of us a chance to be a family. It was another opportunity for me to grow as a person, a wife, a stepmother. A chance for me to learn more about godly character and putting others first. It was hard for me at times. There were definitely days when I didn’t feel like being a mother or I didn’t want the responsibility but I had an instant love for her because she was my husbands little girl - a part of him - and I knew how much he loved her and how much he wanted me to love her too. So the days that were tough, I stayed focused and remembered that God had brought this opportunity in my life for a reason and I needed to do my best out of love for my husband, and for God. When I really struggled…I called my mom for extra support and godly advice.
Sometimes we traveled when she would come; Disneyland, Knottsberry Farm, etc. but mostly her and her Dad would spend time at the beach. When she was younger he would build sand castles, play guitar for her and sing. As she got older he would teach her how to surf. It was wonderful to see him share this passion with her, and that they shared in their love for the ocean and the beach. It was a time of bonding for them. It also gave her a chance to spend time with my husbands family in the San Diego area. She had a grandpa, grandma, uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews she visited with, so it gave her a chance to know them and build relationships with his family and mine.
We would do the best we could to show her as much love as we possibly could, in the time she spent with us. We wanted to provide a stable family environment when she visited and wanted her to feel ‘at home’. We wanted to be godly examples to her, as well, and wanted her to know that God was the foundation of our marriage and our life. This was really important to both of us. Again, we knew it could impact her life in a positive way and was all we could hope for; to show her that God makes love possible and He is the only way to true and everlasting happiness.
Over the years, I would grow to love this little girl more than I ever expected and would experience feelings and emotions I never thought I’d have. It would enrich my life in ways not possible, had it not been for her. I have always been grateful to God that she is a part of my life and allowed me to know a mother’s love.
♥️LGOF