Free to be me...


I felt so many constraints on my childhood and growing up so differently, but as I entered my teen years, many things in my life began to change - dramatically.  There were many families involved in my father’s Bible Study group by now.  The Bible Studies, that started at a our kitchen table, had grown to the point where we had to find a facility that could accommodate the growing numbers of people and families.  Those families became a part of us, and in so many ways - we were like one BIG family.  Several of the families had children our age and it was great.  We had a whole new group of friends.  It eased the pain and loneliness of not having other friends in school.  And these kids cared about God.  One of the families I became very attached to and their daughter became my best friend.  She was the closest friend I’d ever had.  I loved her so much and more deeply than I had loved anyone - other than my family.  It was a whole new kind of love and one I had never experienced before.  It meant so much to me.  I felt truly connected to her in a way I hadn’t with anyone else.   We did sleepovers and our families spent a lot of time together.  We shared our secrets and our dreams.  I was still a very insecure girl and my best friend seemed much more confident.  I thought she was beautiful.  Her family was very different from my own.  They had a lot more money than we did and there were only two kids in her family - her and her brother, compared to the eight kids in ours.  She seemed to have everything I never knew I wanted.  She never made me feel less than though, not like the kids at school.  Knowing that she loved me, and accepted me, helped me with my self esteem.  Knowing that I had her, as my special friend, allowed me to deal with my peers at school, or compartmentalize that part of my life, because I knew I had something special -  to look forward to  - outside of it.  It was the beginning of a change in me



One day, and what seemed to be out of the blue, my mom and dad had something to tell my little sister and I.  They sat us down and told us that we were going to drive our motorhome out to California and we were going to spend the winter there!  My dad felt that God was calling him to go there.  He had spoken at a convention in San Diego, California and ever since then, felt a pulling to go back.  He believed in his heart that God had a work for him to do there.  It was difficult for my mother and us girls initially.  By this time, my sister and I were the only two kids left at home and we were both in middle school now.  We didn’t want to leave the rest of our family or our friends for the whole winter….going to the unknown.   My biggest disappointment was leaving my best friend.  The idea of that was devastating to me.  Yet, my sister and I had this underlying excitement to have this adventure in California!  We were going on a road trip!  So...we packed our bags, loaded up our motorhome and hit the road to sunny California.  


The trip there was a grand adventure.  My father wasn’t in the best of health, struggling with sinus and back problems and there was a hope the weather in California would ease that, but getting there wasn’t easy to say the least. It was a very long trip and what seemed like touch and go sometimes.  But, when we finally arrived in California it was awesome.  It was warm and sunny, flowers everywhere, palm trees….what a place!  We stayed at a little RV Resort on the bay.  It had cement pads for your motorhome with all the hook-ups and then a clubhouse, laundry, pool, jacuzzi and a small store on site.  Outside of the resort was a park on the bay with a walking path that wound around the adjacent marina where there was another small store and a deli.  My sister and I weren’t allowed to go beyond that point.  None of us knew what was beyond the gates of the RV resort and marina.  It was still a new and strange place.  



The RV resort was full of mostly retired folks, who traveled around or spent their winters away from somewhere cold like us.  My sister and I were, by far, the youngest people at the resort.  At first we attended public schools in the San Diego area.  It was so different than home.  It was like being in another country!  We were one of the only caucasians at the school.  San Diego is so close to the border of Mexico that our school was primarily Mexican kids.  It was a real culture shock for us and they teased us about our midwestern accent…the way we said, “about” and “boat” among other things.  Until then, we didn’t know we had an accent.  For the most part though, we were treated way better than at home in Minnesota schools.  They were interested in us and treated us like we were cool.  We were so different from them.  It was such a change and we didn’t even know how to respond at first.  Being we were new, it felt like we had a fresh start, without any history of our old schools dragging us down.  It really affected me and allowed me to feel more comfortable in my own skin.  I started to gain a whole new confidence in who I was and that I was free to be me.  It made school much more interesting.  I made friends fairly quickly and wanted to learn more about the Mexican culture.  They intrigued me.  They all had such beautiful dark, glossy hair and although they spoke English around me, they interjected Spanish throughout as well.  It took a little getting used to with their accents, but I picked up on it pretty quick.


Public school didn’t last long in San Diego however.  After the second year, we came home to Minnesota and I was called to my high school counselors office.  They told me if I kept going to public school in San Diego I would not be able to graduate because I would not have enough credits.  The school system in San Diego was at least a year or two behind our school in Minnesota.  I really wanted to graduate from my hometown high school.  It meant something to me because all my brothers and sisters had graduated from there.  I had to figure something out.  Thankfully, my mom helped me find a home-school program, for while we were in California, that would allow me to study at my level and earn more credits towards graduation.  This meant I didn’t have to go to school while I was in California.  I could do my homework by the pool!  I was totally fine with that...I could certainly find a way to adjust.  I would sleep in, stumble out of bed, throw on my swimsuit and head to the pool.  I would get a couple hours of sun while I woke up slowly.  Then when I was done sunning for the day I would shower, get dressed and get my schoolwork finding a quite spot, either at an outdoor table near the pool or in the clubhouse.  My schoolwork never took me that long to finish and then the rest of the day was my own.  I would walk down, or ride my bike, over to the deli at the Marina and get a bowl of chili most days of the week.  It was my favorite thing there..loaded with onions and cheese.  Boy was it good!  Some days we would go with our parents and see different things in San Diego or meet different people in the afternoon.  I was experiencing things I never dreamed possible.  I loved it.  



Life was so different for me now and this was only the beginning.  When I reflect back on our time spent there it was some of the best in my life.  It allowed me to blossom as a young woman.  The constraints of school, peer pressure and adolescence were no longer an issue for me.  I felt free in so many ways.  I felt like I was really living.  I learned to love who I was and let go of some of my insecurities.  My world was getting bigger, and I was growing and learning more about love  - and all the different ways my heart would discover it.  


♥️LGOF

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