We had planned a road trip to Las Vegas, Nevada. It was only a four hour drive from where we lived and we had never been before. We were really looking forward to it and excited to see what all the buzz was about. In addition, my husband wanted to swing through Laughlin, Nevada to see what that was like as well. We knew it wasn’t as glamorous as Las Vegas, but being on the river and a little more low-key intrigued him. We got an incredible deal at a new resort there called the Luxor. It was built to resemble an Egyptian pyramid and certainly made a visual impact to the Las Vegas Strip at the time. I can’t remember why, but they upgraded our room from a standard to a suite. Not only was it spectacular with a bar, dining area, living room and bedroom but it had an incredible view of the strip. What an experience for a first trip to Vegas! Wow! We were thrilled and eager to get out and see the sights. The strip, at the time, was very walkable with pass-ways that led from one resort to another. We didn’t do any big shows, but we walked around a lot and explored the shopping, restaurants and different hotels. We would throw a few bucks on a roulette or craps table once in awhile and never managed to win much of anything. Of course we had no idea what we were doing. We just enjoyed the experience of it all, being it was all new to us.
Our first evening in the hotel, in our fancy room, the phone rang. I thought maybe it was the front desk calling. It was my Mom. I was surprised to hear her voice on the other end. I had told her where we were staying on our trip. “Hi Mom, you won’t believe this amazing room they gave us…they upgraded us to a suite and we have a view of the strip!” I was so excited to share this news with her. She was happy for us but I could hear in her voice something was wrong. "Is everything okay?” I asked. “Well, your father has had another heart attack. We are at the hospital.” The blood drained from my face and I felt this lurch in my stomach. “Is Dad going to be okay?” I asked. “We think so, but it was a bad one.” My stomach began to swirl. "Can I talk to him?" I asked. “Yes, he’s here and he wants to talk to you too.” My Dad got on the phone and the first thing I noticed was he sounded weak. “Hi Dad.” “Hi” he said. “How are you doing?” “Not good,” he said. That was a big statement coming from him. My heart began to pound faster in my chest. “Are you going to be okay?” “I don’t know,” he said. I could tell he was very concerned. He said, “We need to spend all the time we can together now.” I thought what does that mean? It scared me. I had a difficult time processing it even. My brain was running a hundred miles a minute. I was confused as to what I should do. I had just returned from Minnesota less than a week ago and was due to fly back in a couple weeks already because my sister had just had her babies. Matter of fact, my Dad was in the same hospital as my sister and the babies - just on a different floor. All I said to him was, “I’ll be there soon Dad.” When my Mom got back on the phone I said, “What should I do? We just arrived in Vegas.” My mom said, “You’re fine. You just enjoy your time there and come when your scheduled to. It will be okay.” “Are you sure?” I asked. “Yes, it will be fine. Don’t you worry.” I could tell she was trying to make me feel better and I was still torn up inside. When I hung up the phone I shared everything with my husband. He was deeply concerned. “Are you sure we shouldn’t go?” I told him what my mother said and that she said we should stay. We were both quiet and contemplated our options. We decided to sleep on it and stay close to the phone.
The next day, obviously, my father’s condition was foremost on our minds. The lights of the strip somehow were not as bright as I had first thought. Everything was dimmed. The last thing he said to me kept going through my head. What did he mean by, “We have to spend all the time we can together now.” Why would he say that. It haunted me endlessly. Was he just being sentimental after such a terrible heart attack? Was he trying to convey he loved me in his condition without the strength to just say it? Or was it possible he knew he was going to die? He couldn’t know that. It was impossible. Even if he felt that way...it couldn’t be. He was just scared, I thought. I couldn’t get it off my mind.
We spent a couple days at the Luxor and enjoyed it, as much as we could anyway. Then we were leaving Las Vegas and were on our way to Laughlin, Nevada. We hit the desert road and made our way another hundred twenty-five miles. There isn’t a lot to look at on a desert road and lots of open space. Plenty of time for the mind to wander and lots of time to think. Both my husband and I were still unsure about going forward with our travels under the circumstances. Driving even further away from home gave me anxiety. It didn’t feel right. I had kept in touch with my Mom, and my Dad remained in the same condition. No better - no worse. My husband said we could always turn around and go home, if we needed to, so I felt assured he would keep that promise if the circumstances changed. When we arrived in Laughlin it was early evening. Laughlin was not what we thought it would be and was incredibly subdued, after being in Vegas. It seemed old and a bit used up. Where as Vegas seemed like a shiny new penny. We could tell right away it wasn’t really for us but we had reservations and thought we would check it out. We settled into a standard room and went out for a bite to eat. We checked out the river our hotel was located on and the casino of our hotel. Again, we were not feeling great about being there, for more than one reason now, but were trying to make the best of it. That night, after being in bed about an hour, I was just about to fall asleep and the phone rang. It was my mom again. She was crying and I could barely understand her. “Mom, what’s wrong?” I said. “Your Dad has had another heart attack and its bad.” I was in shock. “Is he going to be okay?” I asked. She cried some more. “I don’t know but it’s bad. You better get here right away,” she said. “We’re on our way” I said. I hung up the phone and my husband already knew…the news was not good. He said, “Let’s go.” We packed our bags quickly, checked out of our hotel, got in our car and drove.
We were in complete and utter shock. I was concerned about my husband driving through the night but he assured me he was fine and would get us home as quickly as possible. He told me to sleep. “Try to sleep honey, its going to be a long night and you’re going to need strength to get on a plane when we get home” he said. Sleep was the farthest thing from my mind. I reclined my chair in the car and stared out the window at the black sky surrounding us. All I could see was a canopy of endless stars in the desert sky. I tried to envision what my parents were going through. I had so many questions and no answers. So many thoughts flew through my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about my Dad. Would he live? Would he be gone by the time I made it there? That would be crushing. No way. There was no way. I couldn’t take it. It was impossible. He was going to live. He had to live. We couldn’t live without him. He was everything. God would not let him die. He had so much he still wanted to do, so much he was still driven to do. So many lives he affected with his ministry. He was the foundation for everything. He was the center of our lives. He would live…he had to live. There was just no other way. My husband kept looking over at me, “Honey, close your eyes and try to sleep.” But my thoughts were endless and my eyes were locked on the night's sky in a fixed gaze. I had terrible pains in my stomach, and it was as if I was being oppressed by a giant weight. I felt unbearably heavy. As we drove through the night the empty and dark desert surrounded us. I felt cold, vulnerable, empty and alone. The blackness swallowed me up and before I knew it my eyes had closed and I fell asleep…
♥️LGOF