Love Goes On Forever

On the plane ride to San Diego, I was so excited and nervous to see the surfer again.  I missed him so much.  Our relationship was getting so intense and was, by far, the most meaningful in my life.  There were no words for it.  In all the conversations we’d had, I tried to tell him how I felt but was afraid to really admit my feelings - not sure if they would be accepted or rejected.  So, I did the next best thing I could think of.  I wrote several songs for him while I was home.   I tried to reveal, the things I couldn’t say on the phone, in my songs.  I played them on the piano and sang into a tape, very raw, and sent them to him.  I had no idea how he would react when he got them.  A couple of them were inspirational and about God.  The other two were a bit more personal.  One of the songs was called “Think of You” and in it, I talked about how I thought of him every day and wondered what he was doing.  How I wished that he was with me and that we were closer because I needed him.  Then I revealed the ultimate question in these lyrics I wrote:

The most revealing song of all was the heart and soul of me, and it was called “Love You With All My Heart.”  It was so personal and my deepest feelings laid bare:

That was the one I was most nervous about.  I was revealing everything.  I felt so vulnerable.  It was a first for me; the song, the lyrics, the feelings...all of it.  When the tape finally reached him, he said he loved it, but didn’t say much else.  Just that they were special to him.  I wasn’t really sure what that meant.  He didn’t exactly say he reciprocated all my feelings or that it was mutual, but then again, how did I expect him to say that.  He did say, “You know I love you” which I did, I just didn’t know how much he loved me and exactly what kind of love we were talking about.  He had always been very open, honest and affectionate, even as a friend, so it was hard to know if we were crossing over into another territory…it all seemed kind of the same to me now.  I figured when I landed in San Diego and saw him for the first time, it would tell me a lot.  So walking off that plane and catching a glimpse of him would be all that I needed - or at least that’s what I had worked up in my mind.  As we approached the airport in San Diego, the feelings in my stomach intensified.  I don’t know if I had ever been so tied up in knots.  I was a wreck.  I had tried to put myself together and look pretty.  I curled my hair, had on a purple turtleneck sweater, the turtleneck part was mostly because I had broken out on my face from all the nerves and was trying to hide it.  My clothes were pretty loose and baggy from the weight I had lost.  I wanted to look beautiful for him but felt limited, to what I could pull off, with my circumstances.  I certainly didn’t feel confident.  With my big hair and turtleneck sweater I felt like I was hiding - peeking out from behind it all.  Would he notice me?  What would he think of how I looked?  What would his reaction be…to everything.

When we walked out of the airport, he was standing there waiting for me next to his truck.  I stopped dead in my tracks, with complete and utter shock, when I saw him.  I hardly recognized him!  Gone was the surfer look - he was completely transformed.  He had cut off all of his long, blonde, surfer hair and it was short and dark now.  He looked totally different!  He was wearing nice casual cotton pants and a cream colored, crew neck sweater.  He looked incredible and so respectable.  I was speechless.   I didn’t even know how to process this.  My mind was spinning and there was a tidal wave of emotions running through my heart.  After two years of knowing him, as my friend - the surfer, and struggling with the fact that he wasn’t my type, he, all of the sudden, was so incredibly handsome and it was there…all the time…underneath it all.  I could’ve never believed it or even known it was possible.  I could tell he was nervous when I saw him.  I could hardly speak and he laughed nervously and said, “What do you think?”  All I could manage to say was, “You look so different, I can’t believe it!”  He said, “Different good or different bad?”  I said, “Good!”  We hugged each other.  It felt so good to be in his arms.  I had waited so long for this.  We jumped in his truck and he gave me a ride to where I was staying that night, at my girlfriends house.  The rest of my family went with our other friends, where they were staying for the night.  It would take a day or two to get the motorhome set up, at the RV Resort, before we could all move in for the winter.  I was just so relieved to be with my surfer again, and after a few short minutes, of being completely uncomfortable in my own skin, we began talking and, like always, everything else seemed to melt away.  All the stress, all the knots, all the concerns, all the cares.  It felt so good to be together.  It felt right - like I was home again. It was like I was holding my breath, all the months we were apart, and I could finally take a full breath.  I could relax.

Once we were settled back at the RV Resort, everyone resumed their normal winter routine.  My mom and Grams did their, daily swimming at the pool - my dad was studying the Bible and writing articles, as he did every day -  whether we were in California or Minnesota.  He was always meeting with new people and teaching them about the Bible.  The Bible Study in San Diego had grown over the years and there were always new people interested in learning from my father.  My little sister was running around getting into trouble, wherever she went and I was always running after her, trying to rescue her from herself.  My parents had had a talk with me, when we first came out to California - a few years ago now, and made her my responsibility.  They told me I was to look out for her as if she was my own.  That made a very big impression on me and I took it very seriously, as I did anything I was told to do.  I knew if anything happened to her - my butt was on the line.  Besides, I loved her - even if she drove me crazy most days - and I didn’t want her getting into trouble.  Her and I were like night and day in many ways.  She was mischievous and I was always trying to be angelic.  She was disorganized and messy -  I was organized and cleanly.  She was immature and erratic - I was too mature and not very spontaneous.  But…we were sisters and I really did love her.  I was a senior in high-school now and would be graduating in the coming summer.  I knew my life was going to change soon, I just wasn’t sure how.  I had a future to figure out and I assumed that this winter would give me some bearing on which way I was going to go.  I had a lot to figure out, but right now I just wanted to enjoy being in California and being back with my surfer.  

He began doing more things with me, and my family, and I with his.  Our families were intermingling.  Our parents had a mutual affection for one another.  Everyone had a good time together and enjoyed one another’s company.  There were parties and family gatherings, and we attended together, as a couple.  February was fast approaching and Valentines Day would quickly be here.  There was a lot of talk on the news that year that the price of roses was through the roof and there weren’t a lot to go around being some sort of shortage.  Some of the local flower shops didn’t have any or what they had was already spoken for.  They talked about how many wouldn’t be seeing roses this Valentines Day due to the circumstances and if you did get some - you were lucky.  I didn’t care about it because it didn’t affect me, even though it was a topic of conversation - the whole rose debacle -  in the RV Resort among all the retired ladies.  It was incredible, what a big story it was.  I had never heard anything like it before.  All I knew is, that this Valentines Day, my parents were playing for the 'Sweetheart Dance’ being held in the clubroom at the resort.  It would be like one of the Happy Hours they had done before, just a little bit fancier for this occasion.  Everyone would be dressed formally and there would be lots of candles and hearts and things.  I always loved the dances and Happy Hours.  They were so fun.  Everyone would come out of their RV’s and have a good time together.  Everyone most certainly had their eye on the surfer and I.  We were kind of the ‘talk of the town’ you might say.  Young love was in the air and everyone was buzzing about what they thought of us as a pair.  The ministers daughter and the surfer boy?  Could it be?  Would it last?  They had been watching from the very beginning.  I think they knew what was happening with us, long before we did.  

The night of the ‘Sweetheart Dance’ arrived and I had a new dress to wear.  It had a sweetheart neckline, the upper half being white - the lower half being black.  It was elegant.  The surfer hadn’t seen me in anything like this.  I wondered what he would think.  I had done up my hair and put on some red lips with black heels.  He said he was coming but I didn’t know if he would really show.  I thought he might think the whole thing was kind of silly or goofy.  Hanging out with the retired folks on Valentines Day at the ‘Sweetheart Dance.”  I waited patiently, as people started arriving for the night.  The room filled with couples from around the resort and the lights were low, candles lit.  The music began playing.  I headed to the back of the room, to be out of the way, and was watching the night unfold.  Everyone, including me, was facing the front of the room where my parents were playing, with an area for dancing just in front of them.  It was all set up just adjacent to the main entrance of the clubroom.  As everyone settled in and started listening to the first song, gazing at my parents playing, the main door to the club room opened and everyone looked.  It was the surfer, in a suit and tie with a huge vase full of the biggest red roses I have ever seen!!  Everyone sort of stopped, stared and I even think I even heard some gasps in the room.  My parents continued playing music but they were both glued to the surfer, like everyone else, and this shocking display when he walked in the room.  Everyone wondered what this was all about.  I thought maybe the roses were for his mom, for a minute, until he spotted me at the back of the room and headed straight for me.  I stood there with the most surprised look on my face.  As he walked towards me, everyone followed him with their eyes and when he came right up to me and gave them to me I couldn’t believe it.  I think some folks actually started clapping.  It was like the whole thing happened in slow motion.  At first I think everyone was so shocked to see these incredible, huge, long stemmed  roses during the 'rose crisis' - then everyone wondered, who was the fortunate recipient  -  then when they realized it was the surfer - in a suit and tie - and he started walking towards me...it was just one shock after another!  Myself included!  It was amazing I have to say.  It was like a dream.  In that moment, he had professed his affections in front of the whole world (or what seemed like it) and everyone knew.  It was no longer 'the great mystery’.  The word was out - officially - and the roses were red, I knew what that meant….L-O-V-E.  No more yellow roses for this girl.  It was just the beginning of many emotions unveiled…

♥️LGOF